Do We Have to Go to Court?

The only issue that the court needs to decide is that your marriage is over.

However,tIt’s also going to check to make sure your children are provided for, financially.

Shocking, isn’t it? You can do most of it yourselves, without involving lawyers or fighting in court.

So why do so many people hire lawyers and go to court when it is time to divorce?

Divorce courts started in England in 1857: more than 165 years ago. During that era, marriage lasted “until death do us part”. You had to do something bad to ask the court for a divorce. The court could say yes or no. There was a lot of shame attached to divorce. Governments have modified the processes but the essential rules and responsibilities remain the same.

Society has changed a great deal since then. People can read and write. There is good free information available on the internet. More than 40% of first marriages end in divorce.

Families are able to take care of much of the decisions themselves.

That’s right. The court will make an order that your marriage is over. It also will ensure the parents are providing financially for the children.

Everything else: the two of you can decide.

If the two of you work together with a mediator, you’re much more likely to be satisfied with the outcomes. You’ll be able to consider what’s best for your children, and limit how much your divorce costs.

If this self-determination appeals to you, start by speaking with your former spouse. Talk about the life stuff you need to figure out – where will everyone live, what about parenting time, what activities will the children participate in, how will you tell the children, how will you divide your furniture, investments, and pensions …

Set a budget. Figure out as much as you can, together. For the sticky items that remain unresolved, find a family mediator to help you.

If mediation isn’t successful, then hire lawyers and go to court to resolve the sticky issues.

This way, the court isn’t making decisions about every aspect of your family. This way, you’re saving money, and increasing the likelihood of having a successful co-parenting relationship.

And, better yet, if you can decide all the issues yourselves except the ending of  your marriage, you can apply together for divorce, with your separation agreement attached.

You’ll be happier and your divorce will reflect the reality of 21st century life instead of the social norms of 1857.

To learn more about divorcing without lawyers, check out this free resource on this topic.

If you want to learn more about the history of divorce, it’s a subject I love to talk about. Reach out and schedule a conversation.