Nearly everyone who reaches out to me has no idea of how to divorce peacefully. They want it, yet …

It’s as if there is a screen door between them & the process. They know that court is part of it, yet it’s all murky & unclear. They want to divorce peacefully, yet haven’t been able to find any resources.

Here are the top 5 resources I’ve created to help you walk this journey, keeping the peace so you & your children can thrive.

Stay in my marriage, or divorce? That is the question. Or is it?

According to Annie Duke in her book Quit, we’re asking the wrong questions. We’re venting about our situation, and this is keeping us stuck. We’re dreaming our partner will change, or becoming addicted to the trauma story without even seeing this for what it is.

When you experience conflict, how do you react and respond to the other person: as a friend, neutral or enemy? If you’re like me, your default is to see the other as enemy. After all, we live in the era of cancel-culture.

Asking a six-year old where they want to live.

When your child asks if you are friends with the other parent, vehemently saying, “We’re not friends. We never will be.”

Telling the children that dad is having an affair.

Telling your children, “You have a bad mommy.”

Telling your children, “Mommy’s keeping you from me.”

Saying, “Let’s keep this a secret from mommy.”

When asked to sign a legal agreement that formalizes how the parents have been handling child support, saying, “It’s not in my best interests to sign this.”

You’ve reached the point when you know your marriage is over. You want your divorce to be as easy as possible: amicable, with your children not caught in the middle of an ugly and expensive court battle.

You have no experience with divorce, and you know you need help. You want to avoid the divorce from hell.

And then, one time, a turning point. An event that made her realize, my children are being harmed from us being together. Divorce is better….

16. Not expecting dad to change. How he acts has nothing to do with her. It’s dad being true to being dad. Nothing more or nothing less.

17. Not referring to the children’s dad as her “ex”. Instead, refer to him as her “former spouse.”

the 11 strategies for successfully negotiating with a narcissist:

1. Take control of the dialogue.

2. Don’t respond immediately. Silence is your friend.

3. Know the facts and the applicable law before starting negotiations.

4. Don’t let yourself be bullied if the law supports what you want to happen.

5. Let the narcissist think they’ve won.

6. Never start with your “line in the sand” when negotiating with a narcissist.

7. Always share how something will benefit the narcissist.

8. When making written offers, include a few typographical and small factual errors.

I suspect if my sibling had written, “Hey Kim, I’m uncomfortable with having my image in your FB post. Might you consider taking it down? Thanks.” I would have taken the first option.

Can you relate? An adult orders you to do something, and you revert to the eight-year old who refused to eat peas for dinner. It gets ugly real fast.

Yet if someone asks you nicely, with respect, the people pleaser in you jumps in and agrees without thinking. This way, everyone stays friends.

To respond to CRA, I had to ask my former spouse for a copy of the rental agreement he’d signed for his apartment.

Divorce courts started in England in 1857: more than 165 years ago. During that era, marriage lasted “until death do us part”. You had to do something bad to ask the court for a divorce.

something kind of strange happened this time. When you began the session with the ice breaker … the type of activity that usually makes me internally roll my eyes

Think about the story lines in Cinderella, Rapunzel and Snow White. Those women had no power.

They were portrayed as victims who had to be rescued by a handsome prince before they could live happily ever after.

Thanks to the messages from these fairy tales, I waited for a prince to rescue me from my first husband. This went on for three years.

she was a judge who wrote about the cost of divorce.

More than 15 years ago, she commented in one written judgment that issuing a petition and bringing one application costs each party at least

When my son was 11, he said he wanted to canoe to Grey Owl’s Cabin in Prince Albert National Park. I said okay. Then we forgot. Until he reminded me, 11 years later. I kept my promise in May, 2023.

You have a business, a pension, a cabin inherited from your parents during your marriage. You don’t want to share it. It’s yours! Yet the law says you must.
What do you do to protect yourself?