Keeping Costs Down: 6 Essential Questions to Ask a Lawyer Before Divorce

If fear of the high cost and emotional toll of divorce is keeping you in an unhappy marriage, there's a better way. You can achieve a peaceful divorce that prioritizes your children and ensures a fair outcome without breaking the bank.

As someone who has practiced family law, created a playbook for peaceful divorce that worked for me in challenging circumstances, and who now helps families as a divorce strategist, I understand how the system works and how to navigate it cost effectively.

I know the questions lawyers aren’t used to being asked.

They expect the transaction to focus on the legal issues. It’s how they’re trained to think. The questions in this post will surprise them, as these pictures look at the lawyer-client relationship from a broader lens.

From it, you’re much more likely to keep costs down, divorce peacefully and protect your children during and beyond divorce.

Many people are inclined to hire the first lawyer recommended by a friend or family member, but this can lead to unnecessary expenses. The key to a cost-effective divorce is hiring a lawyer who matches your goals and values. By doing so, you can avoid lengthy court battles and focus on achieving a peaceful resolution.

Here are six essential questions to ask a potential lawyer to ensure you find the right fit:

1. **Have you ever been divorced?**

- This question helps determine if the lawyer truly understands your situation beyond legal rights. If they haven’t they won’t understand the emotional rollercoaster you’re on, and how that can impact your ability to translate the legal issues into topics that matter to you.

2. **If the lawyer answers yes, ask where did everyone in your family sit at significant family events?**

- This can indicate whether the lawyer's divorce was relatively conflict-free or an out and out war. Even if they don’t answer directly, the tone they use next may tell you all you need to know if you’re committed to a peaceful outcome.

3. **What training and experience do you have in alternative dispute resolution (mediation, collaborative law, negotiation, arbitration)?**

- When I started practising law, one had to be a lawyer for 3 years before the Law Society (the body that regulates lawyer’s behaviour) would allow the lawyer to practice mediation too. Also, mediation and negotiation were not taught in law school then. This means that most of us graduated with a bias towards court. In other words, we believed that court was the best way to resolve the dispute.

- Now alternative dispute resolution training (mediation and negotiation) are offered in law school, meaning law students are exposed to different approaches.

- A lawyer without this training may lead you to court more often, increasing costs.

4. **When was the last time you had a file resolved through alternative dispute resolution practices?**

- With this question, you’re checking to see if the lawyer walks his/her talk. Even with training, a lawyer may still be much more comfortable resolving family law matters in court. If the lawyer answers that they did so in the last six months, ask this follow up? Were you in the role of a lawyer or alternative dispute resolution practitioner? You’re wanting to learn how committed the lawyer is to peaceful resolutions, which can save you money by avoiding court.

5. **How many times did you appear in court on contested family law matters last 12 months?**

- This question would have made me squirm when I practiced family law. I would have thought it was none of the other person’s business, especially a potential client! Yet it is incredibly relevant. Frequent court appearances indicate a more adversarial approach, which can significantly increase your legal bills.

6. **On average, what did you bill each family law client last year?**

- This is another question that will leave the lawyer squirming. Don’t worry about it. You’re not calling because you want the lawyer for your friend; you’re calling because you want to ensure that there’s a fit between you and the lawyer, so you can avoid a divorce from hell. Asking tough questions now helps you assess affordability and whether the lawyer is focused on cost-effective solutions.

By asking these questions, you can ensure that your divorce is handled efficiently and with minimal conflict, saving you money and emotional distress. A lawyer who aligns with your goals will help you avoid unnecessary legal fees and focus on achieving a fair and peaceful outcome.

If you have questions about these questions, I have a “cheat sheet” for people like you. All it takes is booking a complimentary call with me. This isn’t about me twisting your arm to become my client; it’s the first step to you gaining clarity about what you really want this process and your life to be, and how you can best save money and protect your kids. In other words, it’s about you being the CEO of your family.

Additional Tips for Cost-Effective Divorce

- **Set a Budget**: Before speaking to any lawyer, review your income, expenses, and debts to determine what you can afford to spend on your divorce.

- **Prioritize Alternative Dispute Resolution**: Lawyers trained in mediation or collaborative law can help you resolve issues outside of court, reducing costs. Even better, consider working with someone like me, who learned first hand how to divorce peacefully without spending a fortune, and who has seen how divorce transformed her children’s lives for the better. I even speak about this in a TEDx Talk.

- **Avoid Unnecessary Court Battles**: A lawyer who is committed to peaceful outcomes will work with you to find solutions that don't involve lengthy court proceedings. An even better way is to start with a mediator or divorce strategist first, so you can be clear on what is most important to you, and how you can get their within your budget.

By taking these steps, you can ensure that your divorce is both peaceful and cost-effective.