How to Approach Your Spouse About Mediation

Are you feeling stuck in your separation and divorce? Maybe you want to talk about mediation but don't know how to bring it up with your spouse.

I understand that starting this conversation can be tough, especially if you’re both still living under the same roof and there's lots of tension. You feel like you're walking on eggshells when you're both at home, and it's draining. In this space it's incredibly difficult to even think about having such a conversation.

Yet ... if you're committed to putting your kids first, it's vitally important to find a way to navigate this process peacefully and affordably.

Finding the Right Moment

First things first, plan when you're going to start this talk. Choose a moment when both you and your spouse are well-rested and free from interruptions—especially from the kids. It might be as simple as saying, “Hey, we need to talk about something important. Can we grab a coffee together?”

Even sitting in your car at a drive-through can be a good setting to have this conversation.

Opening the Conversation

Once you’re in that distraction and child-free space, take a deep breath and jump in. You might start with something like, “We’ve decided to separate, and since we’re still living in the same house, we need to think about how this affects our kids. I don't know about you, but I’ve noticed that we’ve been bickering more lately, and it worries me. Every time we start bickering the kids vanish. Have you noticed, too?”

This sets a serious tone and shows that you care about the well-being of your children. It also creates space for your spouse to be part of the conversation, since you've asked a question.

Give your spouse time to respond. They might express frustration about finances keeping you both in the house, or the situation.

Acknowledge their feelings by saying, “I get it. We don’t have the money to live apart right now and it's stressful. But what if we could find someone to help us navigate this? Someone who can help us reduce the tension and avoid spending thousands on lawyers?”

Once again, see what your spouse says. Really listen, instead of planning your response as they talk.

Are the starting to look at this as something to solve? If they are, you're in a great place to move the conversation forward.

Introducing Mediation

At this point, you can introduce the idea of mediation. Explain that you've found a mediator, someone who used to be a lawyer and has helped hundreds of families like yours, and who has many great reviews from past clients. This way, your spouse realizes the mediator is experienced and credible.

Then you could say, “She offers free consultations, and I really think she could help us.”

At this point, you can introduce the idea of mediation. Explain that you've found a mediator, someone who used to be a lawyer and has helped hundreds of families like yours, and who has many great reviews from past clients. This way, your spouse realizes the mediator is experienced and credible.

Then you could say, “She offers free consultations, and I really think she could help us.”

It’s essential to frame it as a collaborative effort rather than a demand. This way, your spouse feels involved in the decision-making process. When both of you decide to do this, you're more likely to be successful in settling the issues out of court.

If they seem hesitant, offer to share some resources. “Would you like me to send you a link to her TEDx Talk on how divorce can be good for kids? It might give you some perspective.”

Providing this information allows your spouse to explore the option at their own pace. If they’re prepared to watch the TEDx Talk called “Can Divorce Foster Resilience in Children?” you know they’re considering mediation. You’re closer than you might think.

What If You Haven't Had the Separation Talk Yet?

If you haven't even had the conversation about separating, I suggest checking out a resource I have on my website called “How do I Tell My Spouse I Want a Divorce?” It’s a helpful guide that many have found useful. It costs $22 Canadian but could save you thousands in the long run.

Once you've told your spouse you want a divorce and they're on board, you can use the same approach that I’ve covered in this post. Here’s how you start:

“If we could find someone to help us navigate this peacefully, would you be interested?”

This keeps the door open for dialogue and shows that you’re looking for a solution that works for both of you. It also says you want your spouse to make the decision with you. This is a great start to being able to resolve as many of the issues as possible at mediation.

Wrapping Up

Remember, the goal is to create a peaceful environment for your kids and yourselves: during separation and divorce, and afterwards.

Mediation can be a powerful tool in achieving that. If you have any questions or need support, feel free to reach out. You can even book a complimentary call with me to discuss your situation further. Ready to get some clarity?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you find these tips helpful in approaching your spouse about mediation. It’s a challenging process, but with the right support and approach, it can lead to a more amicable and peaceful resolution.

If you want to learn more about mediation and how it can help you, visit other pages on my website, The Gentle Way Divorce for more resources and tools.

Don't you owe it to your kids to make this transition as smooth as possible?