21 Powerful Ways to Love Your Child Through Divorce: A Guide for Compassionate Parents

Divorce is challenging, but your child's well-being doesn't have to be compromised. As a retired lawyer, adjudicator, and TEDx speaker about the impact of divorce on children, I've seen firsthand how parents can transform this difficult time into an opportunity for growth and healing. It happened with my children following divorce.  

Their experience and my professional work led me to helping families stop walking on eggshells and divorce differently. 

 Here are 21 essential strategies to ensure your child feels loved, secure, and supported during your divorce. 

1. Reassure Them Constantly 

Tell your children repeatedly that the divorce is not their fault. This simple act can alleviate much of their anxiety and self-doubt. 

2. Maintain Healthy Boundaries 

Don't make your child your confidante. Seek support from friends, professionals, or support groups instead. Let your children be children. 

3. Encourage Positive Relationships 

Encourage your children to enjoy time with their other parent. This fosters a healthy co-parenting environment. For example, you might ask your former spouse to take one of the kids to an activity on “your” time. This shows the children you’re working together for them. 

4. Practice Positive Speech 

Follow Bambi's mom's advice: If you can't say anything nice about the other parent, don't say anything at all. Seriously. Even if they’re not in the same room as you’re venting to a friend, they’ll know. Same with text messages: don’t say anything bad about the other parent.  

5. Protect Their Childhood 

Unless they're at least 15, don't burden them with decisions about living arrangements. Children always love both their parents. Asking them about living arrangements? You’re putting the child in the middle of your dispute.  

6. Shield Them from Legal Matters 

Keep discussions about legal processes or mediation away from your children's ears. Knowing about this will create anxiety in them. They don’t need this. 

7. Prioritize Effective Conflict Resolution 

Avoid court battles and lawyers who like to appear in court if possible. Court battles have a way of causing parents to overspend & turning them into enemies. It isn’t divorce that harms children. It’s conflict. Children don’t need more conflict. They need peace. 

8. Show Physical Affection 

Depending on your child’s age and willingness, give them plenty of hugs. Physical touch – even a calm hand on the shoulder - can be incredibly reassuring. 

9. Offer Positive Reinforcement 

Notice and acknowledge when your child does something right. It’s easy to be stressed out and angry during divorce. Try to notice something every day that your child did well, and tell them. 

10. Engage in Active Bonding 

Be actively involved with your children daily. This means shared activities, not screen time. It could be sitting down to a meal or loading the dishwasher or folding laundry together. Or even skateboarding or going to the gym together. 

11. Create a Safe Environment 

Make your home a violence-free zone. Remember, yelling and passive-aggressive behavior are forms of violence too. 

12. Model Accountability 

When you lose your temper, apologize as soon as possible. This way, your children learn it is okay to express the full range of emotions and see you taking responsibility. This is a powerful lesson of love. 

13. Prioritize Mental Health 

If you're struggling with mental health issues, seek help. Your well-being affects your child. You don’t have to go through this alone, and seeking help normalizes effective coping. 

14. Foster Positive Co-Parenting 

Act in ways that allow your child to have the best possible relationship with their other parent. 

15. Be Patient with Behavioral Changes 

Expect that your children may act out as they process the changes, and as they move from home to home during co-parenting exchanges. Unless the acting out goes on for more than a day or the behaviors are extreme, likely all is well. Just give them space to process. 

16. Express Love Frequently 

Tell your children you love them, again and again. 

17. Embody Kindness 

Be the example of kindness your child needs to see in the world.  

18. Practice Forgiveness 

Stop blaming your former spouse. Holding onto blame only anchors you and your child in negative energy. 

19. Create New Traditions 

Establish new rituals and traditions with your children. It’s easy to be sad that you’re not with your children on every Christmas morning, for example. This is normal. Is there a new tradition you can create, one for you and the children alone? What impact might creating such a tradition have on you and the children? I did this, and discovered it was a lot of fun! 

20. Maintain a United Front 

Demonstrate through actions, words and tone that the other parent is not your enemy. 

21. Focus on Transformation, Not the Past

Set goals for the life you want for you and your children. Instead of viewing divorce as a loss, see this as an opportunity for positive change. Imagine the impact on your children of having a parent who is happy and shows up as her/himself. If you do, your children might begin to see divorce as a gift. 

Conclusion 

Remember, divorce doesn't have to define your child's future. By implementing these strategies, you can help your child not just survive, but thrive during and beyond this family transition.  

If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to seek professional help or join a support group such as Unshackled: Your Divorce Rebirth Incubator. Your child's peace and well-being are worth every effort. When you focus on your child this way, you’re helping them, and yourself. 

Want to learn more about navigating divorce with compassion and a child-centric approach? Schedule a complimentary call with me to explore how I can help you and your family find peace during this challenging time.