A lot goes on in your relationship that you don't like. Your spouse may say and do many things that annoy you. You may find your spouse's family difficult and you may not want to spend time with them. You may be happy doing your own thing, and avoiding your spouse.

You and your spouse may only talk about your children. Or maybe not. Maybe most of the time is spent arguing. Maybe your skin crawls when your spouse touches you.

Yet you stay. You're like that frog. No need to beat yourself up about it. Here's why.

According to a survey done by The Canadian Research Institute for Law and the Family, if it is a low conflict divorce, each spouse can expect to spend, in money and time: if mediation is used: $6,345 and 4.8 months; if collaborative law is used: $6,269 and 5.0 months; if arbitration is used: $12,328 and 6.6 months and if litigation (lawyers fighting in court) is used: $12,395 and 10.8 months. The costs for high conflict divorce are much more.

Divorce and co-parenting create unintended consequences. Mostly, we hear about the negative consequences of ending a marriage. Yet divorce can also be a gift we give our children and ourselves.

If you’re wondering if your husband is having an affair, here are 7 signs you he might be:

1. He spends a lot of time away from home. This could be working late or frequent out of town business trips.

2. He refuses to use the online family calendar, or participate in a locator app used by the rest of the family, such as Life360.

My great-great grandfather, Thomas Malcolm, was not a nice person. He and his first wife had a son who never lived with them.

The son lived in care. At age 4, he fell down some steps (say the reports) and languished for about a week before he died.

When Thomas’ wife was pregnant with their second child, he reported her to the authorities as a bigamist.

She was convicted, and their second child - a girl this time - was born in prison. As their marriage had been moot, the baby was born a bastard.

The wife had been in care as a child. She married at 16.

Her first husband died in an accident when he was riding in the bucket, being pulled from a coal mine. I read the report on the Mining Association (UK) website. It was grisly.

When I was 18, I decided to live without regret.

I acted as if I had six months left to live.

Seriously. Every potential new adventure, I’d ask myself, “If I had six months left to live, would I regret not doing this?”

There was, in no particular order: Kalimantan (which you may know as Borneo), Moscow, St. Vincent, Dominica, driving to Mexico to study Spanish, and many more. Even a university degree, and work as a political activist and as a tree planter.

Most adventures were sublime. With a few, “challenging” was a polite euphemism.

I'm not a big Charlie Brown fan, and I don’t have a garden, yet this year I've grown a giant pumpkin. 

Growing any pumpkin wasn't pre-mediated. When I went to the garden shop around June 20, I was looking for tomato plants. But there it was: a giant pumpkin.

To be precise: a Dill’s Atlantic Giant Pumpkin plant. My first husband and I visited the Dill farm in Nova Scotia, on our honeymoon. Since we divorced peacefully, the plant’s connection to my first marriage didn’t matter. Instead, because I’d been there, I was intrigued.

The pure whimsy of trying to grow a giant pumpkin, without a garden, starting late in the season ...

Pay attention to the words you use and hear.

Especially when you're involved in a conflict and want to resolve the issue amicably. It might be divorce. A squabble with your business partner. A tiff with your sibling or a co-worker. Even a misunderstanding between a parent and a child.

In disagreements, some people use words to gain power.